I live in a large apartment complex. Since I moved in several months ago, I have heard my neighbor down the hall — a single mother of color — repeatedly hitting and screaming obscenities at her two young children, who are both under the age of 10. These are not casual slaps (if there are such things) or a parent raising her voice. The children are wailing in response to being hit — I can hear it all through the door, and the mother threatening to throw the children out. It happens multiple times a week, and I can hear all of this in my apartment down the hall. I do not want to involve the police for obvious reasons and can only imagine how stressful it would be to care for two young children in an apartment alone during a pandemic. It is also obvious, however, that the children’s welfare is at stake. But I am afraid that if I say something, the children will be put in an even worse situation. Do I talk to the mother directly? It seems unlikely that will seriously change whatever forces have compelled her to parent this way. What would you advise? Name Withheld

It does sound as if what you’re hearing may be child abuse. A particular concern is that these rages are a regular occurrence. You shouldn’t rush to call the authorities when you see someone losing it in what might otherwise be a caring relationship; people don’t have to be what you’d consider good parents to retain the rights and responsibilities of parenthood. But there is a bar beneath which they should not fall.

Would talking to this woman be helpful? You could try, but it’s hard to be optimistic. A neighbor whose first interaction with you concerns the question of whether she’s abusing her children isn’t likely to give you much of a hearing — and sadly, mistrust may be heightened if she’s Black or brown and you aren’t. If you were already on friendly terms, you could offer to help with the kids and, perhaps, reduce the stress that may be one cause of the violence. But clearly you aren’t, and a pandemic probably isn’t the right time to begin a relationship. In any case, the situation needs attention now. Your reluctance to involve the police (who aren’t likely to have the relevant training) is justified, so long as you don’t judge the children to be at immediate risk of serious harm. If you did report this ongoing situation to the police, what’s supposed to happen is that someone from the agency responsible for child-protective services — different municipalities use different designations — would be dispatched. But things can go wrong. So the best course of action would be to call the Childhelp National Abuse hotline, or a local alternative, and get a referral to the appropriate agency in your community. A trained caseworker can look for evidence of neglect or physical injury and intervene when necessary to help people who are dealing with mental illness or substance abuse or are just stressed out. Alerting the authorities isn’t something to be done lightly — and you’re right to be concerned about making a bad situation worse — but you can reasonably hope that the social-service professionals will use good judgment.

I was shopping at a large chain store in New York City, and as I was paying, there were two young people nearby who were doing something on their phone that kept producing loud bursts of sound. As he was ringing me up, a grumpy white male employee who appeared to be in his late 60s or early 70s expressed disapproval in a “kids today!” kind of way. I agreed that yes, it was a little inconsiderate, and he said: “Yeah, that’s the problem with this whole country. The whole country is inconsiderate! I wish I had an AK-47!” I was taken aback and said, “Well, that’s not a great thing to say!” Then he replied in a kind of conspiratorial but aggressive way, “I am a Vietnam vet, and I am not politically correct; that’s why I wish I had an AK-47.” Then (perhaps reacting to the look on my face) he said, “I’m just kidding,” which did not sound very convincing.